....and literally im still not used to it. life is hard. even you put that smile in your face thinking like everything is gonna be fine but you basically are lying yourself from the facts and reality. what a pathetic life. im just denying myself and follow the crowds. makes them happy or am i happy with all of that? even now i don't know what am i thinking. sometimes we lost our way. we do not know what we want. and we look back to our past and started to regret for our actions. why things get worst? why things get complicated? why things fall apart? why we never appreciate things and value people around us? gosh..this makes me remind of my family. why we never sit in a round chinese table and have a nice dinner with beautiful mami, charming daddy and annoying brothers & sisters. when holidays we tend to spend time with friends and friends and friends. this remind of me, everytime i went back home, my mom will definitely hug me tight. never miss even one time! omg, i miss you mom! i dun wanna grow up T.T being adult sucks! well, i started to value my precious time with someone who are special to me, my family, my love, my friends and my pet. i never wanted to waste my time to useless things anymore but sometimes laying on bed and rolling up and down sounds relaxing :) well, cuddling and giggling too right? reduce stress kay! i only went comfortable with certain people.but i like to socialize. if you saw me sitting straight up in a crowd then you must be seeing me in an uncomfortable zone. and i feel like getting out from that situation. why i'm not comfortable? simple, bcz i cant get along with their fake attitude. they seems to like you , laugh with your jokes, but what they really care is their self. some friends are true. but some aren't. look carefully and observe. these things happened to me few years ago. but right now, i dont care if you like me or not, i will just make friends with you and take things easy............ more friends, less enemy right? i like you , you like me. simple as that. i really dont understand why people tend to make things complicated? zhen de bu ming bai lo. or am i just that level? level or not, kai xin jiu hao lo. people want more and more pula. gia shu lol. (shit, rojak liao my sentence) humanity=greed. no comment. coz sometimes i am greedy too hehe.greed for love~ and ice cream! xD oh shit oh shit!! i miss my small size body and boobs. i want my it back...drink too much eat too much during sem break...till now im craving for sweets. i need to shut my temptation down over foods! i still remember how i got that body. by a jerk who hurt my heart so deeply till i lost 8kg. wow that size probably 43kg and my boobs shrink 2 cups! maybe i should stay being hurt to keep that body weight in scale. hmm.
anyway, i have 3 months till cny. so i can work my ass out and then work paid off right?? and i can party with my sista wohoo cant wait ! but now need to control. *determination* i did once and i can do it again. stress and depression. last sem these two strike me so hardly and something terrible & awful hit me down to the ground. dumbass. well, im pretty a lucky girl now :) so far la........... we dont know what will happen in a day, a week,a month ,a year and so on...
shit. i really miss home. feel like going home next month but what the heck, mami ask me go back for what. == actually i wanna celebrate my bff birthday. it's been years i nvr celebrate with her. feel so guilty and useless bff. hope she understand. love you babe. i always can go beyond crazy with you. she always there for me in my difficult times. she give me advice. help me where to go in life. be my shoulder when i cry. she's the one who stood by my side when everyone turn my back. amazing friend . indeed, im a pretty lucky girl.
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